Sunday, September 11, 2011

"I AM NOT A CROOK!" so Why I Gotta Resign?

The Blehmster finally called me a guinea pig: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!
Dear MODS,

What a great trip this has been, Blogging here on behalf of the Black Sheep Nation! If ya gotta be a sheep, be a BLACK SHEEP! That's what I always sez!

The time has come for me to resign as your czar, dictator, despot, autocrat, king, totalitarian ruler, imperialist, supreme Emperor of all things MOD, and Best Ever Guinea Pig in the Whole World including Things Within and Things Yet to be discovered in the Known and Unknown Universe! My modest humility prevents my listing the endless accomplishments I have achieved, but the one I must mention is that Eric once called me a guinea pig instead of a hamster. Hence, my work here is done.

Mom and the vet feel the time has come for me to relinquish my autocratic Rule over the MOD Kingdom to focus, instead, on my health. They are full of it! How dare they! I have spondylosee-dosee-do and my spine is fusing from my pretty bottom upwards and - yeah, talk about NERVE?! - THE "C" word has been mentioned and not in polite whispers, either! Cancer: BRING IT! GONNA GET YA, GONNA GET YA GOOD!

I have had so much fun being here I can't believe they're making me quit, like, what?

(What to say, what do the great Presidents say? THINK! THINK! Oh, RIGHT!)

"I am NOT a crook!" Yet I must resign.

"I did NOT have sex with that woman!" Yet I ain't goin' nowhere.

Let's see, let's see...aww, Bloody HORK!  I got nothin'!

Guess it really is time to go: There is a silver lining! Guess who is in LURVE?
Mom put me out with Coconut, the only gentlewoman of the Herd and I chased
her and humped her and had so much fun! She flirted and flirted, then she chased
me and the fur on her neck stuck up as we played and when she was done with -
oh, right! (ya, mebbe it is time to go) BONDING, right, that: when she was done
with my gregarious bonding, she lunged at me, the hussy! Now I am in love.
The biggest problem we been havin' lately is my refusal to drink water. This
morning mom woke up to a sound she had never heard, and it worried her.
Turned out that hussy in the adjacent cage living with MacNutPie was telling me
to drink my water! The nerve! She went directly to her own water bottle, started
drinking, then gave me "the eye" so I obeyed and started drinking, too. Mom
could NOT freakin' believe her eyes!

So, between stupis illness and falling in love, I must hereby, forthwith, commencing
now, resign my post as Autocratic Dictator-in-Chief of Candles' Blog until Candles
returns knowing the rest of you will rush like hordes of lemmings to replace me and
install y'selves in what I can only describe as an impending MOD coup d'etat!
Knock y'selves out! Already got Anderson Cooper on the phone to send him, just
don't touch his pretty, pretty face like they did in Cairo, he didn't like that!

Who loves ya, baby?

YumYum loves ya! Now, for the counter insurgency!!!!
(Or Coconut, me sure loves me my "bonding!")

Your Beloved, Cherished, Adored, humble servant,

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  1. Have fun drinking and bonding. Don't break anything!

  2. Yum-Yum: Thank you for your dedication to this blog and all things MOD.

    Godspeed, little one! Enjoy your retirement and new-found love!