"Dear Eric and YumYum,
On Halloween I really want to dress up as Glowz the Spider but I have agoraphobia. What should I do?"
Please Help!
Lurker from Kalamazoo
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Yum and Eric look at one another quizzically.
Huh? You want this one, Hamster?
Sure, Doctor Lazy, I'll hit it.
YumYum:
Dear Lurker,
We are confused. Agoraphobia is an unnatural fear of open or public places.
Eric: Whereas, Arachnophobia is the scientific name for the fear of spiders...
YumYum: So, we first need to know whether or not you are afraid of going out on Holloween -
Eric: Or, if you are afraid of dressing up like Glowz for Holloween, which I completely understand
and even have a cure for!
At Molly the Owl Books we have a beautiful, sterling silver charm of Glowz that wards off ALL
phobias, empowering you to both dress up as Glows AND go out on Halloween and -
YumYum: Blehm! You shameless Huckster! Using a MOD's mental health issues to hawk your
wares on our Advice Column! How dare you?
Eric: As I was saying before the Hamster so rudely interrupted me, this charm is now going for the
low price of -
OWIE! HAMSTER, YOU JUST BIT MY EAR!
YumYum: You're not even a real doctor, Blehm!
Eric: No, but we are all together today signing your Molly the Owl books for delivery -
OW! HAMSTER, WHAT YOUR PROBLEM?
YumYum: We are here to give advice, not profit from other people's anxieties, Dude,
GET ON THE PROGRAM!
Eric: Fine. Dress up like "Shrek" and you'll be fine.
YumYum: "Donkey" would be a better choice, actually...
Eric: Speaking of Donkeys, we will be producing hand crafted, sterling silver donkey charms...
YumYum: Zip it UP, Blehm! And, by the way, how do you get off calling yourself a real doctor?
Eric: I am SO a real doctor!
YumYum: Then let me give you some first aid: I have some band-aids to cover your pie-hole, hold still!
Eric: MMMmmmmph! Schmer-link-Shliver-sharms...frrr..Onmly...$$$...
**********************************************
email us at
askericandyumyum@gmail.com And, remember, MODS: We Know Everything!
Who Loves Ya Baby?
Yum-Yum loves ya!
"Amd! Eef U ordrrr nw, ...Omly...Mud Speshul, omly $$$$!"
YumYum: Say good night, Eric. (YumYum rips off band-aids.)
Eric: "Good Night, Eric."
Just about fell off my chair laughing!
ReplyDeleteReally, Eric, let's treat mental health issues seriously! Of course, I realize that since this advice column is on the MOD blog, it really can't be too awfully serious, can it??? is it??? am I wrong??? oh no, have I said too much??? now I'm feeling anxious -- perhaps I should just delete my whole comment -- oh, but then everybody would wonder what was said...yikes, now I'm going to have to change my name, move to a different city, die my hair, change everything about my appearance, etc. Am I being too paranoid??
Feeling nauseous, might have to hork now. Need to go lie down.......
DommyDom'sMom, hee-hee, we think you are funny!
ReplyDeleteAm I funny or just crazy? Me thinks a bit of both!
ReplyDeleteThese are just hilarious posts. Thank you! Have you written a book? Do stand-up comedy? Want to come to Boise ID to do it? I'd come watch & listen! You have a fan along with the owls, maybe MANY!
ReplyDeleteDear Owlfan,
ReplyDeleteWell, thank you, and yes I would love to do stand up except that, being only a few inches tall, the audience finds it hard to actually see me! And last time I stood up on a stool...well, we only speak of THAT in hushed whispers! Many thanks for your comments. Eric emailed me last night - and I quote: "Well, I haven't received any hate mail yet...so I guess we're good" or something like that, who remembers what he says, really? THANK YOU, I AM DEEPLY APPRECIATIVE OF
APPRECIATION! Who Loves Ya, Owlfan? YumYum Loves Ya!